Forgiveness is Acceptance – By Dr Anya

dr anyaAn excerpt from the book Opening Love: Intentional Relationships & the Evolution of Consciousness by Dr Anya

The word “mistake” is one of the greatest confusions created by the fearful ego. As the ego is the part of us that does not recognize the interconnectedness of all beings, then it makes sense that the ego would create the idea of a mistake. A mistake is a sense of separation from what is. It is a sense of separation from what “might have been” or “should have been.” Mistake is the realm of regret; mistake is the realm of the ego.

There is no such thing as a mistake. Every person we interact with and every situation in our life is absolutely the right person, the right situation. There is no exception. Holding the mental formation that there can be a mistake—that there can be a “bad” choice or a “good” choice—is a thought that creates fear and anxiety.

Every human being wants to do what they consider the good choice, the right choice. However, we have been socially conditioned to think otherwise. Our mainstream values have insisted that there are lazy people, sneaky people, corrupt people, and intrinsically evil people. But this is not so. At the core of every person is the seed of love and the desire to grow and evolve. Granted, some people may, by the choices they make, take a longer time getting there—but, in the end, everyone either inches or sprints in the same direction: the direction of love.


This philosophy holds true even in the most dramatic of cases. A person who commits suicide believes they are making a good choice, or else they would not do it. Why else would they go through the potential physical pain unless they believed it was a good choice to make? Likewise, even a person who commits murder also believes in the rightness of their action, or else they would not do it. Everything a human being does is done because they believe, in that moment, that it is the right thing to do—“right” meaning the course of action that is the best possible one for that place/time and under those particular circumstances. And even if they perceive that there are no other options than the one they must take, then that lack of options is the reality upon which they make their choice—a choice they will always perceive as right.

If all human beings make choices that they believe are right, then what is the point of harboring negative emotions towards a person or situation? To approach life with the mentality that it is possible to make a mistake causes needless suffering. Instead, we can replace that mentality with the calm assurance that everything that happens, every choice we make, is the right happening, the right choice. Everything that happens, every life circumstance, is the result of a loving universe. This is not some New Age feel-good-mumbo-jumbo. This is the reality of how the universe works.


Since there are no mistakes, we can start to view the concept of forgiveness in a new way. People often define forgiveness in ways that cause needless suffering. Forgiveness doesn’t mean we have to forget. Forgiveness doesn’t mean we have to enjoy spending time with the person(s)who were involved in the hurt. Forgiveness doesn’t mean we have to ask God or some authority figure for pardon. Forgiveness is simple: It’s about letting go of the past and about accepting the present moment. It’s about living with a calm trust that the universe is a universe of love and that whatever happens is exactly the right thing that is supposed to happen. If we approach forgiveness in this way, we see that forgiveness is, actually, acceptance. Acceptance is a choice we can make for our own well-being. We see, actually, that there is never anything that needs to be forgiven in the first place.

Anya Trahan, PhD, is a spiritual counselor and Reiki Master. She teaches about energy medicine, intentional relationships, sacred sexuality, and polyamory. Her first book, Opening Love: Intentional Relationships & the Evolution of Consciousness, demonstrates how to utilize relationships as tools for spiritual growth.

In Sanskrit, the name Anya means “inexhaustible.” The name is a symbolic dedication of her life’s mission: to serve as an inexhaustible comfort for all beings, as they heal and evolve. To contact Dr. Anya, please visit

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