Since my previous post “Create balance in your busy life” , I have committed to carving mini-breaks out of my routine to allow my mind and soul regenerate from the busyness of everyday life. It’s been soothing to my heart, having the luxury of doing nothing during those quiet moments! Recently, I’ve just really wanted to sit there and allow life to unfold.
“Yes Universe, I know you need me, but you’re going to have to wait … ‘cause I’m busy doing nothing right now”.
Geez, it felt so good being able to tell the world to call back because I was enjoying the peace in my mind so much!
Then, the other day, something shifted. For the first time, I got why some folks dread working in a quiet environment and would rather listen to their music than enjoy the silence. As I sat on my yoga mat having a good long stretch, I sensed the vast space all around me. So much of it, it could literally have swallowed me whole.
I suddenly realised that over the last couple of days, I had been quieter than usual; my thinking had slowed down, and somehow I’d managed to get an incredible amount of work done in a very short space of time. I noticed that while I would usually be panicking about meeting various deadlines, there was now a nice flow of energy sustaining me, which allowed me to be productive and really enjoy whatever I was creating.
This quietness was all very new to me, and while I was allowing myself to “feel” life as I moved through my day, the openness around me now began to seem too wide and out of the blue. I started to worry that I might not know what to do with myself anymore.
The stillness within me and all around me began to appear threatening, as if there might not actually be a way back from the nothingness which I had slowly begun to embrace.
My first reaction to this startling realisation was to reach for my phone, to check if I’d received any emails or texts. I felt the overwhelming need to reconnect with the familiar and comforting busy world I had been trying so hard to leave behind.
“Hello? Does someone out there still love me? Anyone?”
Even as I held my phone, however, I knew that a part of me wanted to stay in that quiet space, wanted to breathe it all in and surrender to whatever unfolded in the unknown. So I let myself lie back on the yoga mat, seeking some support under my body, and suddenly, I started to cry because I didn’t want to move. I could sense my heart expanding in a way that I had never thought possible.
Now, I love the spaciousness so much that I don’t want to let it go, ever! I know that the nothingness is where we all come from; we all belong to it, and we are all full of it without even realising.
We spend our time running from something or someone, only to discover that it’s ourselves we are running from. We’ve been told that what’s “out there” is better than what we’ll ever become inside. And we believe that.
So when we finally get in touch with the infinity inside ourselves, we freak out a little, and this is because we often don’t feel that we have enough to fill that void. But enough we are, and nothing else is needed in that space where we merge with all that is.
Later on that evening, I couldn’t help noticing how refreshed I felt, despite my working into the small hours. I felt so present, and so supported by the hand I’d come to hold earlier on. I knew that I would never be alone in the stillness within me.
And you, have you ever touched the nothing at the heart of everything? If you have, how did you feel? Were you scared? Did you embrace it, wanting more? Or did you fill it up with noise because that void felt too big?
I’m the founder of Evoking Grace, a coaching program designed to inspire others to be their very best while bringing ease and balance into their everyday life. I can be contacted by email for more details on the work I offer or to schedule a free “Wisdom Within Session”. Follow my mumblings & musings on Facebook , Twitter & Pinterest to be part of my “online tribe”.
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